I knew it had been awhile since I wrote here on my blog, but I hadn't realized it was soooo long! It has been such a challenging year, and since I try to stay positive in what I write, I just haven't written! But I feel a shift happening, and I'd like to document it, perhaps as a benchmark, perhaps as an explanation for my absence, or maybe because Ornery said I should.
I began walking with a cane last spring, at first it was just when I went out, then gradually it became more and more necessary and now it feels as though it is an extension of myself. I saw a new chiropractor for about 8 months who did help me some, but gradually ceased to be effective for alleviating the pain, and became just another financial burden, so I stopped going there. I am pretty determined not to go the western medicine route, so I have not gone to get a diagnosis for my condition, but a brief tour of the internet suggests that the symptoms of fibromyalgia are what I am experiencing--except for the brain fog.
Needless to say, dealing with continual pain is demoralizing and I fell back into a sort of depression like I had been before. I haven't lost weight, despite a variety of efforts, and it is really hard to exercise when just walking is such a painful proposition. So I had really begun to feel as though my body had turned against me, and therefore spent a great deal of time thinking and verbalizing criticism toward it.
The new chiropractor I was seeing uses a therapy called NET for Neuro-Emotional Technique. He cleared several pathways, a remarkable number of which related to experiences at college. He used muscle testing in a much different method than my previous chiropractor, Dr. Gomez, had and it was so intuitive and easy that Ornery and I have been using it at home to test various things on each other. I doubt it is fool-proof and 100% accurate, but it seems to be working okay when we stop to actually do it! Unlike Dr. G, the new doctor focused exclusively on the emotions and physiology and never did prescribe any supplements, which I probably could have used but was glad to take a break from.
I began taking Tru-Vision products and thought they might be able to help me lose some weight, but it was not to be, and even though I took them for almost a year, I never lost more than a couple of pounds. I decided to just take the blood chemistry product and not the energy and appetite suppressant for awhile, and felt a little better, but still no change on the scales. I felt like I was waging a war on my body, and neither of us were winning!
Then around the end of January I decided to search online for videos on using EFT for pain management, because my hips had become so incredibly painful and Ibuprofen just wasn't doing much good. I was amazed at how effective many people found the process, and decided to search a little more. I discovered I was just in time to attend the online event, 2016 EFT World Wide Summit, hosted by Jessica and Nick Ortner. It is a ten day online event with experts in the field from all over, and one thing led to another to another, and I purchased several programs and past summits to work through.
I have learned SO MUCH, and can feel a shift occurring in my body and even more in my soul. I watched an interview with Lissa Rankin, MD and immediately ordered her book, Mind Over Medicine. I read the whole thing, attended all the sessions of the summit, have listened to almost all the sessions from the Tapping for Pain summit, and just finished a 7 week program for weight loss and body confidence.
I tap from one to six or seven times a day, and am much more aware of the moments my body shifts into stress-mode. When I feel frustrated, sad, lonely, or any other negative emotion as soon as I become aware of it, I stop what I am doing and tap. The results? I am happier, more peaceful and centered, more aware of what my body is trying to tell me, and am beginning to slowly see results in the level of pain and my food choices. I didn't enter this phase in a good place emotionally, physically or spiritually. But today I feel closer to God, more in love with my self (which leads to better self-care and kindness to others) and am a bit more mobile and less pain-ridden.
I am learning how to talk to myself, and how to share my journey with others so it doesn't sound like I am complaining but expresses how blessed I am. I am more grounded in reality, not expecting this Utopian result of a perfect, fit body and all the joy that will accompany it. Instead I am finding the joy NOW and if the other stuff falls in line, then that's great, but I don't have to await the arrival of circumstances to change my attitude toward things.
"In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I Thessalonians 5:18
This has become my touchstone. Instead of whining because it hurts to get up, I thank God I am still able to arise and maneuver on my own two feet. Instead of criticizing my body when I look in the mirror, I tell myself how wonderfully made I am and how blessed I have always been with good health. The little shifts seem too small to make much of a difference, but they really have! I don't know just how it will all shake down, if I will ever find that one deep-seated emotion that is holding me back from complete healing or if there even is such a thing. Perhaps my body needs to just have a long period of self-care after years of denying it. I'll try to post along the way, but meanwhile, this is an update of one area of change in my life.