(Belated) Weekend in Review: The Beginning Stages

My weekend in review is a little late, but I hope you will find it worth the wait...

My heart is just exploding right now and I have to write my thoughts and feelings here even though this is a long post. They say people connect when they are vulnerable, so I'll just whip it out here, and you can decide if you still want to hang out with me or not. So, here goes.  Are you ready?

At the end of 2014 Ornery and I sat down and wrote out some goals for 2015. Celine Dion's song Another Year Has Gone By on Ornery's Christmas music track was an ear worm reminding him that time was passing and things were still the same as they were 5, 10, 15 years ago. He was really frustrated with his lack of retirement options, so he determined to change things in the coming year.  Our goals and plan of action were stringent, uncomfortable, and focused.  Uneducated, but very focused.  There were a few things we did know: 

• We didn't have much of a retirement fund and at the rate things were going he would have to work until he died--and if anything happened to him I would be up Poo Creek in a leaky boat without a paddle.
• Our single rental property wouldn't come close to funding our dreams, much less our basic living expenses if anything should happen to his job--especially not with the repair expenses being more than the income every month so far this year.
• We knew that the key would be to find something we could do together; a business that I could tend while he worked at his job until it would pay for him to be able to quit.
• We researched several options, but also determined to work on improving ourselves first so we would be able to handle success without self-destructing, or losing everything.  
• Not only would we need to research vehicles for passive income, we would need to take some significant action. 

So, since we knew that the greatest change in our outer circumstances would be affected by the beliefs of our hearts, we started there.  We started at the end of December reading Proverbs every day, along with Dr. Jim Richards' The Prayer Organizer and Connie Witter's Bible Study, Because of Jesus.  We set the alarm for 3:00 AM and started each day in the Word and in prayer.  While there were a few days we missed this, for the most part we have managed to complete four months of daily quiet time. (In almost 36 years of marriage we have not been able to maintain the practice for more than a month at a time, despite numerous attempts!) 

Dr. Richards always says that the more modalities you use the quicker you will see transformation, so we made some other changes, commitments and goals as well, but this was the first one to get implemented and the only one that hasn't altered since we began. Ornery determined to do the work required to get some online business activity going, and I committed to writing my memoirs.  We cut back on other outside commitments so we would not feel pressured by the additions to an already fairly full schedule.   

One of the things we felt would be beneficial was to start a DIY blog, and Ornery stepped way out of his comfort zone and did so. He took pictures of a couple of his projects and posted them, then work got extra busy and he began working more overtime. That was good for the checking account, but not really good enough for us to think it would help financially in the long run.  

Then things began to happen.  Thursday, March 5th it snowed here in our little corner of the world. Despite the fact that Ornery's job is a mere mile from the house, the steep driveway was slicker than a greased pig, and since he had plenty of vacation stored up he stayed home. To pass the time, I read aloud to him. All day.  Little did I know the journey that would begin on that day!  Here is an excerpt I wrote in a post on March 11, 2015:

Last Wednesday when we were snowed in, Ornery and I began reading aloud Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T Harv Eker. We spent several hours that day, and have continued to work our way through it a bit each day since then.  We should be done reading it for the first time by this weekend. We have also signed up and made hotel reservations to attend a Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar, and been faithfully following the advice in the book, in as much as we are able.

 It is time consuming and emotionally intensive to address long held beliefs and take the steps to alter those thought patterns.  However, it is another step in the progression of the goals we set at the beginning of the year, and we are both on-board with the plan.  It seems when we are both in agreement with anything, we make serious progress, so it is exciting to consider the future and what it may hold in store for us.

 Our ultimate goal at the beginning of the year was to replace Ornery's income at his job with self-employment and/or passive income within 5 years.  We thought to do it with real estate, but it requires much more investment capital than we have been able to secure, so we are taking some different paths.  So far we haven't made any money, but we have learned a LOT and I think we are moving in the right direction. Time will tell, but we aren't quite through with the first quarter of the year and we can already see that things are aligning to bring about the changes we seek. 

We have both continued to maintain a lot of the routine we set for ourselves in January. We know that success in the financial arena will require that we have good health and stamina, so part of our daily routine has been to spend time doing the sauna, exercising and eating for health.  We have gone a couple of weeks now without eating wheat, and Ornery says he has lost about 5 lbs. so far.  We are also still having a quiet time each morning, reading from the Proverbs, Psalms and two different Bible study books depending on the time we have.  We are fairly consistent (more so lately) in our nightly journaling exercise wherein we track the daily activities that will bring us closer to our goals. 

One of the quotes by Jim Rohn that has really helped us to focus is, "If it's easy to do it is also easy not to do." Doing those little "easy" things every day makes change and will create the lifestyle we seek. But it isn't possible to just do something once and establish a habit or change core beliefs--it is by repetition every day that will achieve success. Easy to do, but easy not to do. And life is so DAILY! 

This is the longest period of time we have been able to maintain our momentum, and that is really encouraging to us both. We have been able to remind each other of the potential benefits, and have had some really deep discussions and addressed some heretofore unknown issues in ourselves. I would say the last month has been one of the most rewarding times relationally we have ever had. And that is saying something because we have always had a very close relationship!

Once we had signed up for the program, we began getting emails for webinars and other things, so we started taking advantages of those programs.  We signed up for some group coaching, then after we saw another webinar we signed up for MORE group coaching.  We are listening to two coaching calls each week and doing the related actions. We added a reading session in the evenings to go along with those we were doing in the morning.  We read Harv's book through again in the mornings and read Dr. Richards' book, Wired for Success, Programmed for Failure in the evenings.  We read just one chapter a day, but it always sparked discussion and moved us closer to being prepared for the changes we would experience at the Millionaire Mind Intensive. 

So, here we are, almost two months after we picked up that first book.  We attended the Millionaire Mind Experience (formerly Intensive) this past weekend.  I can't even tell you the number of ways we had to get out of our comfort zones to attend, but one of Harv's principles is that your comfort zone = your wealth zone. If you have a small comfort zone, you won't make much money, but if you work to expand the number of situations in which you are comfortable, your entire world will expand. Ours ought to be explosive after all that, just sayin'.  

The personal victories this weekend were astounding for both of us.  Ornery eradicated his lifelong fear of failure, and I broke the mental and emotional chains of a lack of self worth. Both of us have been battling with these issues for years, and they have limited us for way longer than they should have. Despite having a number of tools at our disposal to conquer them completely, (Heart Physics, E.F.T, etc.) for whatever reason, we were still being held captive by our conditioned minds and hearts.   

Seeing my shy, wall-flower husband on the stage dancing and wearing a big smile several times throughout the weekend, watching victories all over the room together and supporting each other through some incredibly potent exercises designed to write new truths at a cellular level created an even deeper sense of intimacy and commitment to each other than ever.

The energy generated at the MME was intense, healing and long lasting. I am still fired up, and rarin' to go! Yesterday I was super-productive and maintained an upbeat attitude through some pretty frustrating circumstances. I had even more emotional healing yesterday as I was doing some reviewing of an old Darren Hardy program we did in 2010 when I had to answer the question of whether there was anyone in my life that I had not completely forgiven. I got quiet, took a deep breath, closed my eyes and asked my heart if there was anyone I had not yet fully forgiven and when the person came to mind, I took care of it. :)

One of the tools we are using for change (and have been since January) is a transformation journal we write in each night just before bed.  Various actions we are working to establish as habits are given a point value with the objective of making 100 points every day. There are enough activities on the list to make this possible even if you don't do every single thing, but when I had done the exercise in the past, after a few weeks my focus would wane and I would start accumulating fewer and fewer points each day--sometimes as few as 40 points--end then just quit altogether.  It is a rare day now when I don't have 125 to 140 points. I am more focused than ever, yet yesterday I spent thirty minutes just sitting outside listening to the birds sing and admiring my lovely flowers, so I am getting more done and still taking time to regenerate.

While we were at the MME seminar we signed up for several more training experiences. So many of the things we had been looking for as far as passive income were addressed at the MME and will be thoroughly covered at the other events.  I'm not going to lie--it was scary to hand over the credit card (which was finally almost at a zero balance again!) and commit to such a significant financial expenditure, but we knew we had to take action now.  The next couple of years will be a wild ride for us. Changes will happen rapid-fire, but the personal growth promised by these opportunities will be worth any sacrifices we may decide are necessary to get to our goal. 

When we left here last Thursday I had three objectives: 

1. Make friends with three or four like-minded people/couples we could connect with socially 
2. Re-set our Financial Blueprint so we would stop sabotaging our success
3. Get training to establish passive income

MME delivered on all its promises and I was able to meet all my objectives and more. We are both more excited about our future than we ever hoped to be.  We have more tools, new skills, amazing support and increasing energy; and with the blockages to success removed, the sky is the limit.  

Thank you for reading all this, and I want to say that if you are sharing any of the same frustrations that we have felt for many years--no end to the rat race, getting wealth is too hard, or whatever other lies you have told yourself-- I hope you will at least pick up The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind and read it through.  If it speaks to you, or if you click the link to the MME sign up page above and you resonate with the message in the promotional video, I hope you will take the first action of attending one of the three day seminars. It will be worth every moment of your time and every dime of the money it takes to get there.  And if you go, will you let me know?  I would love to cheer you on. It's been less than two months since we really started the program and the change has been incredible. I know we still have a long way to go, but for the first time ever, we believe we have found the help we need to make the journey.

A Long Ramble about What I am Learning

As Ornery and I have been immersing ourselves in tools relating to increasing our net worth, we have been doing a lot of reading.  We start our day early.  The new programmable coffee maker comes on and performs its magic at 2:45, so by the time the alarm comes on at 3:00 AM, the coffee is already brewed and waiting. Magic, I tell you!

Bolstered by a few sips of caffeine, we spend some time reading, first a portion of a Bible Study book, then a chapter in Proverbs and some of the Psalms. Then we pray and read a wealth file from the T Harv Eker book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.  After that we read aloud all the declarations from the book--even more than the ones printed on the free download pdf. Then we spend a few moments talking before I fix breakfast and Ornery goes to work, generally around 4:30.

Around 7:00 in the evening, Ornery climbs onto the recumbent exercise bike for a 30 minute ride, and while he pedals, I read some more, this time from the Dr. James Richards book, Wired for Success, Programmed for Failure.  The chapters are short but powerful and often we comment that some point was especially apropos. The idea that success or failure depends solely on our beliefs is coming through loud and strong on every front.

A few days ago I plucked from the shelf in our library the EFT Manual by Dawson Church.  Once again I am battered with truth that the beliefs of our hearts dictate every other circumstance in our lives.  Every single one!  Whether it is health, wealth, happiness, peace or any other situation, if I blame anyone other than myself and my beliefs for the current state, I am both deceiving myself and robbing myself of any possibility of moving beyond my current limitations.

I do not like this.  Really, it is much easier to blame someone else (God, my parents, my husband, my kids, my friends, my enemies...) or some external circumstance for my current state than it is to face and assume responsibility for it.  Especially if my current state is one that I don't like!  Because if I say I don't like it and it is my choices that put me where I am, then I have to think about what secondary gain I have by remaining in my current state.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the conditioning I have received throughout my life. I am writing my memoirs and having to dig deep in the archives of my mind to rediscover what experiences I had and the ensuing choices and decisions that created the person I am today. It is work, and I admit that many days I have to do all sorts of things to convince myself it is worth the effort.  I have been doing EFT on a plethora of fears, regrets, limitations and false beliefs.  Day by day I can feel myself stepping into freedom, yet moment by moment I vacillate between feeling confident and being scared half to death; but at least I am feeling something.

Four years ago I had pretty well given up on life.  I had an eye infection that severely limited my vision, my hip and back had reached such levels of pain I could barely walk from one end of my house to the other without sitting down, and feeling like I had no further purpose on this earth my emotions had reached an all time low.  I quit driving, not having any depth of field or ability to focus clearly at a distance, and quit going out because I just didn't have the stamina to walk.  Needless to say, my state was alarming to my family, and Ornery was really worried I would just check out one day and not come back. Honestly, I was worried about the same thing!

Eventually we were able to get the eye situation back under control, but I had sold my van to Elizabeth when she totaled her car so I haven't driven in almost four years. One day around the end of September 2013, I shared my fears, my complaints and my lack of will to live with Ornery and we decided together to do what we could to change the situation.

First I started going back to the chiropractor that had helped us both so much in the past.  Getting the pain under control was a big relief. My weight, which had continued to increase no matter what I ate or didn't eat, stabilized and even went down slightly. I was able to sleep more soundly and took more of an interest in life in general.  Because I rarely went out or saw people, I began seeking out correspondents with whom I could share conversation via the mail.  I started expanding my circle of friends on Instagram, and discovered my inner artist. Between the letter writing and art my starving soul began to revive.

Each step along the way I have learned more about myself, and I have come to realize that as long as I allowed my external circumstances to dictate my happiness I would never be truly content; because let's face it, life can deal us some pretty hard blows! My memoirs have been revelatory on many levels, but I see clearly now that my unhealthy obsession with my weight has served me nothing but absolute misery my entire life, whatever level of fat (or not) I was.

It is easy to feel like I wasted 50 years driven by stories that were merely fiction in my head. I believed people would judge me by my body. I believed I was "less than" others because I could not control this aspect of my life. I believed I was not worthy or deserving of abundant life because I was fat. What a crock!! Oh, I realize now many would look at my body and judge me, but that is not because of my fault, it is because they are short-sighted or have also bought into a lie that people are only worth what they show at face value.

The truths I am learning about personal responsibility are liberating. If I (that is the inner-self or heart or subconscious) am the one in control then I can change anything about myself I truly want to change by changing my beliefs.  If I chose my beliefs, I can change my beliefs. If I could not think clearly, had no tools at my disposal or didn't have any support system in place, I think this might be a daunting challenge.  But my mind is clearer today than it has been in years, I have discovered a dozen or more tools to improve my quality of life, and I am married to an incredible support system and have God's grace--His power, ability, strength and capacity--within.

As for my weight, while I have so far not been able to significantly change that aspect of myself, I suspect it is just a matter or time. I have recently made numerous choices that will combine to create a healthier, more vibrant person and even if I don't ever take off the pounds, I think (hope) the inner me will shine so brightly that others will be blind to that aspect. Learning how to love myself is a lesson I wish I had undertaken to learn many years ago, but as long as I have breath, I have the possibility of changing for the better. And as I renew my mind by believing the truth of who and what God's word says I am, I am continually being transformed into the woman God intended for me to be.  How fun is that?!

This week Elizabeth is bringing back my old van. She and Michael purchased a new car last fall and the van has just been sitting idle. So, I am going to be doing a lot of tapping on my fear of getting behind the wheel again, and working at overcoming my current constraints -- discomfort of being around a crowd of strangers; building up my stamina to walk from the car to the door and through stores or whatever places I decide to go; and who knows what other phobias and foibles I will need to cast off. I am proud of myself for attempting it, facing and overcoming the challenges.

As I trust Him more, God is gradually revealing exactly what purpose I have and how to tap into His grace to walk in it. By the time my memoir is finished it ought to offer hope and help to anyone who has struggled with a lifetime of obesity, feelings of unworthiness and fear of success. And I will have grown immeasurably. For the win!

It's Working!

One of the reasons I wanted to jump onto the A to Z challenge band wagon was to reestablish my writing mojo-- and it's working!  I have been spending daily quality time working on my memoirs, and the momentum has spilled over into other areas of my life. I won't set any speed records for completion, but I am averaging between one and three hours of work each day, which is a lot of time for me to sit still and do one thing!

I've also wandered around through the list of the Great Theme Reveal and found some blogs I hope to follow  through the month of April. I had forgotten how much fun blogging is and now that I'm back at it, hopefully I won't drop the habit again.

Last night Ornery and I listened to the second group coaching call and a new webinar by T Harv Eker. We got some good information from both events that will hopefully aid us in reaching our goals. We usually get up at 3:00 AM to start our day, so the late evening computer time was a serious infringement on our sleep time.

One young man shared his goal of finding some online business opportunities that would pay well, and the coach said, "Quit looking for something to make money. Focus on what your passion is. All business has the potential to make money, but if you are not passionate about it you will quit when you are faced with the challenges that naturally come to any business." Wow.  That was worth the price of the call and the short night right there!

Ornery is not really all that passionate.  He probably was as a child, but his dad was domineering and didn't give him the opportunity to explore his dreams much. Mostly Ornery was concerned with not angering his dad, and eventually learned to show no emotion at all. That's not a helpful life skill, in case you didn't know.

He is working on learning how to feel and express emotion, but 56 years of programming won't change over night.  And sometimes the concept is so foreign it requires word pictures to figure out what it means. So last night I tried to think about what passion really is. The best I could come up with was that when you are passionate about something, it can overtake your thoughts and almost consume you, but it doesn't destroy you. It's that thing you can work at for hours and hours, exhausting yourself physically but still think about long into the night and eagerly jump back into the next day. He seemed to finally get it.

Not that he has shared anything that is like that for him, but the closest I have seen him to being passionate was when he was renovating our first rental property. He enjoys learning new skills and working with his hands--and tools! He loves new tools!  I am going to wait to see if he comes up with that on his own, but it could be that he has other things he has yet to share or even discover.

I spent some time yesterday afternoon setting up a new journal for my own goals, writing down a few motivating quotes, adding some washi tape to page edges, and putting down all some of the things I want to accomplish with the rest of my life. I do not have Ornery's problem of a lack of passion. My problem is that I have more ideas and dreams than I could complete in two lifetimes, much less in 1/2 of one. So, I will be spending some time over the next few days and weeks honing and refining, then setting up a plan of action.

I didn't get to do any art yesterday, so that is on my agenda for today. I'm feeling the urge to get a little messy.  It will feed one of my passions.  What about you? Do you have something that fires you up?